In early May of 2016, my sacred mother, my grandmother Dorothy Becker, who had been a never ending source of love and support since the day I was born, was getting ready to leave her body. Though the pending loss was devastating, I knew this was a profoundly important time and felt blessed to spend the last week of her life by her side. I was ready to fully experience and be present to this sacred passage of a woman who had been everything to me. By this time, I had lost all my other grandparents, precious great aunts, great uncles, friends to drugs and cancer and a few dearly loved pets. But the passing of my beloved grandmother was going to be the biggest yet. For a decade or more, we spoke almost daily and throughout my lifetime, I visited her as often as I could; first in Queens, NY, later in West Palm Beach, FL and ultimately in Tarrytown, NY, where she lived out her remaining days with my artist aunt Janice, musician uncle Alan and my precious cousin Mathew. 

Being with her night and day as she was getting ready to leave her body was one of the most profound, transpersonal experiences of my life. Our days were spent gathered around her bedside, telling stories, laughing and anointing her hands, feet and brow with ancient oil combinations. We spent the hours looking into her eyes, brushing her silver hair and comforting her from the pain of dying. I witnessed that letting go of the earthly plane and physical body can be very uncomfortable.  At night I would lay with her in this godly place between life and death, anticipating the moment of passing. It was not scary. It was familiar. It was beautiful. It was sacred. On May 10th, 2016, she finally let go, a couple of hours after my dad and sisters arrived from Canada. She had been waiting for her son to come and say goodbye. My sister Jodie and I were the only ones with her when she took her final breath and it was a holy moment that will stay with us always. 

Diffusing oils such as Frankincense, Myrrh, Sandalwoodand Lavender in the space of a dying being can create a transformative atmosphere that is comforting to all who dwell there. Spraying an occasional mist around the bed and room such as Purification and Protection Aura Mist or Heart and Spirit Aura Mist can shift the energy and can be comforting and balancing. In addition, White Sage Mist or Banditos Natural Defense Protective Mist is a great way to purify and boost the energy which can be effective between visitors and to clear away stagnant grief - especially in hospitals and hospices.

Death is an unavoidable cycle of life that will inevitably touch all of our lives at some time or another. The Western perspective on death and dying can be unhealthy and uncomfortable at the best of times. For many, the emotional responses and feelings toward death come from a seemingly backwards viewpoint on this particular aspect of life and stems from a lack of understanding of the cyclical nature of birth, life and death. You cannot truly have one without the other.

When someone passes on and we lose their presence in our life, whether unexpectedly or anticipated, does not make the passing any easier. We inescapably go through the motions of shock, anger, blame, pain, guilt, denial, bargaining, sadness, grief, depression and ultimately acceptance. Grief is not linear and does not follow a timeline, for it is entirely in the hands of the mourner and is absolutely natural and normal to go through a range of emotions. Perhaps though, if the concept and idea of death were not so foreign and absolute to the Western World, we may manage and care for the dying in a radically different fashion.

It is undoubtedly painful to watch someone you love die. However, in the pain, we can also feel gratitude to sit beside a human or animal who is taking their last breaths in this world. Being around someone who is dying and taking their final earthly journey, provides access to a certain kind of magic and a unique glimpse into what comes next. It is an honor and privilege to be with someone as they are crossing over into peace and into their next soul journey. People who are near death often see things and people who have already passed on and appear to hold conversations and energetic exchanges with them. With one foot on earth and the other in the spirit realm, passing souls also tend to ask and discuss big, existential questions, topics and themes. It is not unusual for a person on their deathbed to talk about their soul and their earthly body in the context of what comes next; not in a fearful way but in a thoughtful and curious manner.

It takes a very special and loving person to choose the path of a death doula or hospice worker, knowing that a person’s last breath, words and vision are under their care and influence. In many ancient and modern cultural practices and traditions around the world, it was not the job or duty of just one person to usher a life into the spirit world, it was a service carried out by the community. In this way, comfort and care is provided to not only the dying, but to the family and loved ones as well and no one person holds sole responsibility.

The ancient Egyptians, Vikings and Celts all had varying death and mortuary rituals which were performed at the time of a person’s death. The Egyptians, often thought to be obsessed with death and dying, were just as engaged and committed to the joys and pleasures of life. So much so, that in fact they considered the afterlife as a continuation of their time on Earth. This perspective is exhibited in the way they prepared a body for the afterlife by preserving the body, freeing the soul and sending it on its way. All of these rituals encouraged and emboldened people to express their grief in healthy and natural ways, instead of repression and restraint. Ancient Egyptian death rituals included purification with oils and herbs, embalming, gifts, feasting and ceremonies to celebrate life and to ready a soul’s passage to the afterlife. Similarly, the Vikings and pre-Christian Celts built funeral pyres and dug burial mounds which would include the deceased’s possessions, offerings, gifts and protective amulets for the soul’s safe journey to the beyond. This universal understanding that a spirit or soul’s journey does not end on Earth, is a healthy and respectful way to greet death and one the modern world could stand to gain a little more wisdom from.

If you or someone you know is experiencing grief related to death or you know someone who is dying, utilizing aromatherapy techniques and practices to ease a soul’s passage into the afterlife can be extremely beneficial and healing to both the dying and those who bear witness to this point in the circle of life. We’ve composed a list of Kate’s Magik products which have been created to assist you or a loved one during this particularly difficult, but magical time. Apply these precious oils to the hands, feet and brow of the dying and use them on yourself to work through emotions, encourage acceptance and to build trust that everything works according to the Highest Good.